If I new this was gonna happen, I wouldn’t have felt for you in the first place. I’m not anything special. Just one of those girls who are crazy for you. I don’t wan’t to be that anymore. I hate being an option. How did I get feeling? I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU. WHY WHY WHY. I guess I’m just that abnormal. Yeah I love you. I’ve never let myself down so easily for anyone. I’m an arrogant little bitch. YOU KNOW WHAT? what happened back then stays back then. Whatever the fuck I felt for you, is now history okay bitch? FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. I HOPE LIFE TREATS YOU VERY BAD.
So today started of soooooo goood! Until eigth block, it was so boring. Then after they released us, Lexi went to Coaach Barnes and I went to my locker to save time. I thought she was gonna wait for me like a ‘bestfriend’ is supposed to. But no, so I had to go to the cafeteria by myself. I shouldve talked to Evan lol. I loveeee him! Then I went to the table where my ‘friends’ were at. They didnt even give a FUCK. Then Rebecca whispered to Amanda something about me. What a fake friend you are. I felt so turned off. And Amanda was so mean to me. Like were we really friends? And Lexi didnt even talk to me. She went to sit with REBECCA. Bitch, let’s see how much you’ll miss me when Im gone :). Act like Im not even there, it’s okay. People dont aprecciate me. I’d rather be alone. Because people are SHIT. They’ll turn against you soon or later when they’re bored. Guess I’m just a piece of shit to people who I put first.
God, help me through these times. I need NEW people to be my REAL friends. I dont need these people who comes whenever, and push me away whenever they want to like I’m nobody. #keepcalmandtrustinGod.
What I put
Mai
nice, honest, catholic, happily happy
Sister of Jennifer
Lover of food, clothes, money
who feels happiness when shopping, sadness when going to school, and tired
Who needs God, family, and friends
Who gives respect, trust, honesty
Who fears ghosts, dogs, creepy guys
Who would like to sww a sucessful future, peace in the world, and kindness in everyone
Resident of Grand Prairie, Candelight
Dinh
What I actually want to put
Tram
Bitter, hateful, bitchy, cold
Sister of Thao and Khoi
Lover of God, Nam, death
Who feels alone in this world, helpless, worthless, tired, sleepy, disappointed, lonely, sad, mad
Who needs God, family, privacy, everyone to shut the fuck up
who fears wars, ghosts, losing family and friends
Who would to see people she hates suffer pitifully in this fucked up world, heaven, love, happiness, and sucessfullness in the future, her family happy, kindness in people, a better world
Resident of grandprairie candelight
Dinh
Everyone drifts from me. They don’t care any more, they always find someone else. I lose everyone and I have no one to talk to, hang out with, trust..I guess Im just that unlucky. Vivian: I miss how I could trust you with everything, or thought I could, I always told you everything. I always felt so safe when I’m with you. You were like my best friend. I never knew that ‘chemistry’ lol we had as friends got lost like that. You hide things from me, not like you have to tell me everything. You criticize me at my weaknesses. What kind of friend is that? I miss you bro. I’m always put second, or last. Well every good thing in my life doesn’t last forever. Lexi: Ive been friends with you for two years. You were my best friend. But I wasn’t really yours. I still considered you were. Because you’re the only one who sticks with me when no one did. But we get bored of each other, we just lose everything. Lisette: I know I’m not important to you. It wouldn’t matter if I disappeared. we were literally bestfriends last year. We would ALWAYS have such fun together and I tell you EVERYTHING. But then I became 2nd, 3rd, etc till the point I’m not anything to you anymore. I miss that, you were the person I enjoyed being with the most. You would always have my back.
I love how the perfect things in my life never last, never
I don’t like when people feel sorry for me. I love that they care, but it shows how WEAK I am. I want to look strong, now matter how deep down inside I’m not.
Well today was somewhat okay. Bad part: Lunch, SCIENCE, choir, a little history. Good part: theatre arts cause I got it over with. Algebra cause I was done. Art cause I accomplished something. And that’s it.
I’m going to start remind me of all the good things in my life so I’ll be happy.
Mom & Dad
Brother & sister
Lexi, Vivian, Lauren, Joseph…
Food, clothes, house, muffins, Ipod, Tv, Internet, a comfy bed.
I’m happy:)
I love school. I don’t mine all the work the teachers give. I just hate the people. Like why are they even on this planet? They put people down. People who ruins my day/that I wish didn’t exist: Valerie, jaala, Austin, Rebecca, Alyssa, Megan, Christina. People I love: Jonathan, Joseph, Trevor, Matthew, Sean, Sydney, Evan, Vivian, Jessica , Taylor, Jasmine, Jordan, Lexi, Shamari, Kathy, Lauren, Celest, Karolina, Mia, Mariel, Carter, Amanda, Timia, Alton. The rest, Either I don’t know them or I just hate them. But those up there are the MAINE ones I don’t like. Today I was so mad, I banged on the wall like 80 times. I have bruises on my hands. Fuck life. I hate life. I hate all of you to be exact. I really hope life treats you bad at the end.
2/23/12
When I first met you, I always thought we would be something. I miss Missouri 2009. That was when you were mine, you were this person I thought would never exist. You were perfect to me. I remember YMCA. How you were 2 inches next to me, how you made it so indescribable. Your presence was everything to me. When you’re around…..butterflies. That paper? That has your name right underneath mine, I wonder where it is now. Recycled? Hhaa if I could replay, I would cry so hard. I miss that time. And times when you used to look at me that way……you were so important. Maybe….still are
2/22/12
It has been the worst week ever. Knowing he has someone else, so much FUCKING math homework, CARTER, me being stupid, failing shit damn, I wish I was 5 again, when life was so PERFECT. Didnt worry about shitttttt. Fuck the world, and ALL the ugly people in it. I wish they could some how disappear.
Dont fucking judge me and thinking being sarcastic is smart. NO MOTTHERFUCKER NO. You dont know what the fuck is going on in my life. I just wanna stab the fuck out of you without any regrets ugly bitches.
My life is just a pile of shit right now, the people in africa are lucky they dont have to deal with this fucked up society. I’d rather starve and die.
#school and no boys or bitches.
The ONLY things I live for are me, GOD, DADDY, MOMMY,BROTHER.
2/17/12
Today was SOOOOOO shitty. Been having migrains all day. I’m ugly. No I’m not looking for attention. I wish I was pretty as half my friends. I look in the mirror always saying why do I look like this? I’m going to start buying the best make up so it can transform my whole ugly face. UGH. Why can’t I be pretty.
Lexi is back. I thought it would be a good day. But this fucking headache won’t go away making me not wanting to talk. I hate myself I really do. FUCK MY STUPID LIFE.
